e-Misery (intro)

Growing up I wasn’t exactly a ladies man. To be honest I was probably the furthest thing from it. To me I did not see the need to date anyone in my small town knowing that there were millions more girls in the world that would be better suited to me. Why should I have to settle?

Elementary school was easy. I had gotten my first kiss in the middle of the 3rd grade year and had gotten my fair share of love notes passed to me during class. Each one tickled my heart and made me feel desired. You’d have to spend what seemed like an hour to unfold the thing then as you read the note every characteristic seemed to fuel the runaway heart beats. The cursive letters were a gentle caress, the heart dotted “i’s” were a stroke of the hair, and the XOXO’s were like a softly held hand. Then there was the question which brought the whole thing to a halt “Who do you like better?” Perhaps this was the start of my inability to make a decision, but I could never choose one of the other. Usually it was a choice between two girls I actually did like, and I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

All these feelings came rushing back to me as I stared at the note I just got handed to me. It was the first note I got since the 3rd grade and I was excited to see what was in it. It was my last year of junior high and there were a couple girls in my class I liked so I was praying that the note was from one of them. I gently unfolded the paper. Who was it going to be? What was it going to say?

My heart sunk…

Have you ever been bum jabbed?”

Disgusted I crumpled the note and tossed it away. Another one landed on my desk.

Is Warren your gay lover?”

This was like a kick to the pants. I wasn’t gay; at least I didn’t think I was. I never had a girlfriend because of a lack of options, not because I didn’t like them.

Another one came.

“Are you a virgin?”

I was on the verge of tears, and my heart had sunk so low I could feel it in my underpants. BRRRRING. The bell rang. School was over.

The next day wasn’t any better. I came to home room to see my named sprawled over the black board beside a horrible drawing of two stick figures doing it doggy style. Plus to make it clear that it was not a normal couple, both figures had large male genitals.

If I was going to cry, this would have been the moment. Bullying for 3 straight days in a row with over 100 more days left of school. This was going to be the worst year ever. However instead of letting it get to me and rushing to the board to erase it, I did my best to put a positive spin on it. At least they drew me with a big penis… – Steve